Monday, September 22, 2008

Dogs

Dogs are cute all the time, or handsome, or gorgeous, or dashing, or majestic. Dogs are an attractive species, even the really goofy-looking breeds. They're loyal and they are good at so many different things. They can be good with kids, they can be protective guardians, they can be playful, they can be hard workers, they can be athletes. As far as I'm concerned, life is just better with dogs.

My family's first dog was a German Shephard/hound mix that my parents adopted from the shelter. He was very handsome, but had been terribly abused in his previous home. He tolerated my dad, but he LOVED my mother and I. He was a good boy.

My dog that I grew up with was probably the best dog I'll ever have. A purebred Rottweiller, he kept an eye out for me and my friends when we were little, grudgingly pulled us on a sled in the snow, he liked to play ball, he kept our house and home safe. He barked at trespassers, and he barked when my friends and I were getting too rough in our pillow fights - definitely an authority figure. He was also very sweet, and I was heartbroken when we had to put him down.

The dogs that my mom has now are ridiculous. They were surrendered from their home to the animal shelter, where we found them - a less adoptable pair their never was. First of all, pairs are hard to place because most people only want one dog. Big dogs are also less sought-after - these guys are each over 90 pounds. One is a Rottie mix (an unpopular breed), one has epilepsy (special needs). Both were 3 when we got them, most people want younger dogs. Still, they came home with us, and we haven't regretted it yet - even though they sleep on the furniture and have proven themselves as escape artists. They've goofy. They make my dad's spirit happy because they protect the house and look intimidating; they make my mom happy because they're BEYOND affectionate and they keep her busy. I like them because they have two of the most absurd personalities I have ever known.

My ex-girlfriend's dog, my stepdog, the one who is asleep in my lap right now and has been for this entire post - he's the inspiration for this little ramble. He is, as I've said, a 60-pound Black Lab mix. You can't really pick out anything about him other than Lab, but when you put him next to a purebred you know that he is waaaaay off the kennel club list. So he's a little mutt, little especially compared to the behemoths that live with my mom. He was rescued from a shelter in the South two years ago, when he was six months old, and my ex has had him ever since. He barks whenever anyone comes home, sometimes he barks at nothing, he gets overly excited and tears around the house, once in a while he oversteps his boundaries and tries to play rough with the cats (they don't put up with that for very long, though). But he is mostly a good boy. He fetches, he swims, he goes for long walks through the woods, he behaves himself when we take him to campus. I'm the only one who will let him on my bed, so he jumps up every chance he gets and snuggles with me during the day. At night he sleeps on the futon in my room, or once in a while curled up next to my pillows.

As I type this, sitting on my bed, he is completely zonked out with his head and paws in my lap. He breathes warm doggy air against my leg, and his ears and muzzle are extra-soft in that sleepy-dog way. I know he's not mine, and I know there's non-animal-lovers out there who don't get it. But really, life is just better with dogs.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Tina Fey as Palin and Amy Poehler as Clinton

I know I'm probably the last person to see this, but oh my goodness I nearly died laughing a couple times.

We don't agree on - anything. Anything.


Notably "I can see Russia from my house." Oh sweet jebus.

When being easily distracted is nice

So, sometimes when you get depressed, if you are the sort that gets depressed, do you rant and vent and pour your inner pain out to one of your best friends, and then during a lull in the conversation suddenly think "Man. I would really like some potatoes." ?

Because that's definitely what happened to me tonight. One of my realities is that whatever is wrong with my brain never really goes away, but it can be overshadowed or pushed aside sometimes. I tried explaining this to a friend once, saying that on good days, I think I'm a good person for the most part, someone who just doesn't know how to deal with the things life throws at her, and who doesn't love herself enough, either. My friend frowned and said that on good days, she doesn't think about thinks like that at all. Huh.

So in general I've been having a good streak lately, all things considered. It makes me anxious, because I'm always worried about when it will end - but I'm trying not to worry so much. I'm trying to just go with it, and make the most of things so that I have something left to work with when I have a bad day. This has not been a bad day. This has been the sort of day when the idea of fried potatoes is enough to distract me momentarily from whatever angst I'm pontificating on. I like fried-potato days - they give me hope for a time when I don't have to categorize my days by my mood.

But seriously now, I need to go make some potatoes. Like right now.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

And puppy dogs tails

I was going to blog tonight, but it's hard to type with a 61-pound Black Lab mix sitting in your lap because he needs his belly rubbed and his face and paws kissed RIGHT NOW so he knows you love him heaps and heaps.

Since I don't think I've mentioned it yet, I'll just say that I have the cutest stepdog in the whole wide world. And I love him. And I think he needs more snuggles now.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

2 A.M.

It's 2 A.M.! I should have been asleep approximately three hours ago! But I'm not!

I found some neat lyrics to post when I feel like it, which is not now.

I've spent way, way, way too much time on the Homesteadin' Unschoolers Blog Ring, and I'm no where near done. I miss homeschooling and unschooling and all that nifty stuff. I need to take more initiative in my own education.

I am super on the fence about what to do with this blog.

Tomorrow I will completely clean my gerbil's cage and give him fresh shavings. And lube up the little wheely thing, because the squeaking noise it is making right now is ungodly. Ungodly, you hear?!

Tomorrow I will table for our GSA's bake sale, go to Feminist Club (I promise it's not really called that), and hopefully figure out what the heck to do at the two meetings I have to run this week (one's a preliminary meeting for a community education project, the other is a transgender/genderqueer issues discussion group). I will also consume a large amount of homemade peppermint patties, because they are "oh my God oh my God oh my God" worthy.

My car is fixed! But I still need to go to the DMV Thursday with Thing One to get some foolishness sorted out. Ugh.

I need a job.

I'm wearing a boy undershirt and orca whale boxers.

I am amazing.

Goodnight.

Del Martin

GLBT activist and community icon Del Martin recently passed away. Sucks to see such a cool lady leave us.

Time Magazine obituary
Wikipedia page

Monday, September 8, 2008

Because maybe -----

I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Encircle me, I need to be taken down

Spelled out your name and list the reasons
Pain of heart
Don't call me back
I imagine you when I was distant
Non-insistent
I follow suit and laid out on my back
Imagine that
A million hours left to think of you
And think of that

Calm down, I'm calling you to say
I'm capsized, erring on the edge of safe
Calm down, I'm calling back to say
I'm home now
And coming around
Coming around
Nobody likes to but I really like to cry
Nobody likes me
Maybe if I cry
Encircle me, I need to be taken down.

- Tegan and Sara, "The Con"


The pain that's soon to come is so necessary, because this is ridiculous, but I am so afraid of it. As much as I would like, in theory anyway, to move on, the actual process is terrifying. I don't want to. I would rather curl up in my room all day and cry and say Oh poor me.


You'd rather be a bitch
Than be an ordinary broken heart.


- The Dresden Dolls, "Good Day"


I wonder what it says about me that all Tegan and Sara songs seem to remind me of our relationship and its demise, and all Dresden Dolls songs seem to remind me of me? Wait - I can think of an exception.


There's a war inside of me;
Do I cause new heartbreak to write a new broken song?
Do I push it down or let it run me right into the ground?
I feel like I wouldn't like me if I met me.
Well I can't stop talking for fear of listening to unwelcome sound
And you haven't called me in weeks and honestly it's bringing me down
I feel like I wouldn't like me if I met me.

-Tegan and Sara, "You Wouldn't Like Me"


Oh, this is going to be so bad.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Take a deep breath.

Most of the time you go about thinking thinking thinking about things, sometimes to the point of overthinking things. And then there's times when you find yourself trapped in a moment with a feeling that overwhelms any thoughts you could possibly have. The feeling that I'm going to die right now right this very moment I can't go on because I can't stop feeling like this but I don't even know what it is but it won't stop and I can't make it go away because I don't know what it is and oh God please let it be over now please please please let me die because I can't possibly go on feeling like this and I can't make it stop and I'm going to die.
And you can't do anything about it except wait for it to pass. And once it's gone, your brain starts to work again, but slowly. So you just breathe, and try to do everything slowly, and do something that is not feeling like that. Anything. And you breathe. And you are glad that it is over.

Just breathe. Slow, deep, easy breaths.


More on this another time.