Inauguration '09

My friend Pooky was there in Washington today, waiting on the Mall since 5:30 A.M. My mom and I watched on the T.V. in our living room, and she laughed at me when I stood for the swearing-in of both Vice President Biden and President Obama. I am so hopeful, and so relieved, and so excited, and so proud to be an American.

Most of my growing up and most of my political awareness has come during the Bush years. I had no memory of fair elections until this year. I remember "Indecision 2000", with Jon Stewart sheepishly saying "You know, when we came up with that name, we were kidding." I remember my dad staying up late to watch the recounts and Supreme Court deliberations, pacing and swearing. I remember understanding vaguely that something wrong had happened. I remember being 12 years old on 9/11, standing by a lake with a friend, kicking rocks and expecting, in my limited understanding of war, gunfire from the hills at any moment. I remember nothing so much as the feeling of defeat the pervaded my concept of politics, the idea that no one was listening and nothing was changing.

Barack Obama was not my first choice for President in 2008. My dad and I both supported Hillary Clinton, me because I figured Obama needed more experience, my dad because he did not feel a black man could ever gain the public support needed to win. "It's not that I don't think he'd do a good job," my dad would explain. "It's just that there's too much racism left over. Guys like me, we were raised different. I don't have anything against the guy, but I'd have a hard time voting for him. I think a lot of people still feel that way. He won't be able to change people's prejuidices. Maybe someday."

I wish my dad had been healthy enough to be a delegate at our state's Democratic Convention last summer like he planned. I wish he had made it to see Obama chosen as the Democratic nominee. I wish he'd been around to see the circus that was McCain's VP choice. I wish he had been here to vote one last time, and I wish I could have called him on November 4th to celebrate. I wish he were here today, to see that he was wrong. "Someday" came early.

My dad may not have lived to see a black man become President of the United States, but he only missed it by a matter of months. His skepticism fueled my optimism in 2008, and I am proud that change, and the promise of change, came when it did. I don't expect Obama to singlehandedly create world peace, reverse global warming or fix the economy. What I expect from him is to give others what he has given me for the first time I can remember: the feeling that someone is listening, that people can make a difference, that the right thing can be done.

I found this slogan online somewhere:

"Rosa sat so that Martin could walk, Martin walked so that Barack could run, Barack ran so that our children could fly."

I miss you, Daddy. You would have liked this. You would have been surprised. You would have been proud.

New blog, better labels.

Well that was easy.
Blogger is freaking awesome.

And time at home marches on.

You wouldn't think one could get cramps in one's wrists from playing this, but you would be mistaken.


Owwwwwwww.

Thursday Thirteen - Non-Resolutions That I Want To Accomplish In 2009

1. Get crappy entry-level job doing whatever for the next few months.
2. Get a job as a summer camp counselor, double plus bonus points if it involves teaching horseback riding.
3. Get readmitted to school and the social work program for next fall.
4. Write my book, preferrably in the next 4 months.
5. Volunteer at the local women's shelter.
6. Volunteer at the local humane society.
7. Take 12 or 15 credits in the fall and get a B or better in all classes.
8. Become a feline foster parent for the humane society.
9. Get a less crappy job for the school year.
10. Get back into therapy.
11. Work on positive behavioral goals for myself, such as "I will communicate my feelings" and "I will deal with uncertainty in a healthy way".
12. Be a better friend and spend more time with people I care about.
13. Try to combine all of these things into the feeling that I am a functioning person who matters.

Available...

Available: 19-year-old female looking for full- or part-time employment. 3 years experience shoveling stalls, babying horses and bossing bratty kids around. Loves animals, likes kids unless they're annoying, likes adults unless they're annoying and/or condescending. Good at faking politeness even if you deserve to be smacked upside the head. Excellent references. Multiple facial piercings but owns at least one nice shirt. Openly queer and knows she can't be fired for it. Likes physical labor / can climb ladders and lift heavy things. Doesn't mind custodial work. Can count. Feels fairly confident she could operate a cash register and scanner if someone showed her how.
For more information contact that hippie that hangs out in the basement of the Union.




[I really wish I could actually submit this.]

Rhett Miller - Question

I AM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS SONG.


[There are so many more productive things I could be doing....]


Someday somebody's gonna ask you a question that you should say yes to...

*Swoon.*

Quote of the day - 11/26/08

"There isn't a train I wouldn't take, no matter where it's going."
- Edna St. Vincent Millay



I just happened upon this quote and liked it, so imagine my surprise when I wiki'd Edna St. Vincent Millay and found out she was a Maine-born, bisexual poet. So much awesomeness before the 1950s! I love random learning!

5 things to check out if you're bored.

1. Astro.com. It lets you put in the exact time of your birth, and gives you a very detailed horoscope every day. It tends to be accurate enough to freak me out if I'm having a weird day.

2. Any music by Ani Difranco, especially Dilate, since that's what I'm listening to right now.

3. Orisinal.com. Cutest. Games. Ever. The graphics are little-kid-nursery adorable and the different challenges are loads of fun for the easily distracted.

4. The Birls community on LiveJournal. "Birls" stands for "boyish girls" and the LJ group is one of the most active online GLBT forums I've ever found. There are Facebook and MySpace groups as well, but nothing beats the original. If you are butch, FTM, transgendered, tomboyish, genderqueer, androgynous, or an admirer of such persons, you have to check it out. A-mazing.

5. Scrubs episodes on YouTube. Oh, you know it's the best show ever. Ever! There's a lot of episodes up, starting with the very first episode here. It's probably the only show that never fails to make me laugh out loud no matter what. Love.


Okay. Now you have an activity, some music, some games, some eye candy, and a badass tv show. Boredom be gone!



(I should get some sleep...)

Crossing my fingers, knocking on wood.

I think my computer might be working again, if not quite back to "normal". Which would mean I could start writing again. Which would be neat.

If I'm correct, I'll write more later.

Dogs

Dogs are cute all the time, or handsome, or gorgeous, or dashing, or majestic. Dogs are an attractive species, even the really goofy-looking breeds. They're loyal and they are good at so many different things. They can be good with kids, they can be protective guardians, they can be playful, they can be hard workers, they can be athletes. As far as I'm concerned, life is just better with dogs.

My family's first dog was a German Shephard/hound mix that my parents adopted from the shelter. He was very handsome, but had been terribly abused in his previous home. He tolerated my dad, but he LOVED my mother and I. He was a good boy.

My dog that I grew up with was probably the best dog I'll ever have. A purebred Rottweiller, he kept an eye out for me and my friends when we were little, grudgingly pulled us on a sled in the snow, he liked to play ball, he kept our house and home safe. He barked at trespassers, and he barked when my friends and I were getting too rough in our pillow fights - definitely an authority figure. He was also very sweet, and I was heartbroken when we had to put him down.

The dogs that my mom has now are ridiculous. They were surrendered from their home to the animal shelter, where we found them - a less adoptable pair their never was. First of all, pairs are hard to place because most people only want one dog. Big dogs are also less sought-after - these guys are each over 90 pounds. One is a Rottie mix (an unpopular breed), one has epilepsy (special needs). Both were 3 when we got them, most people want younger dogs. Still, they came home with us, and we haven't regretted it yet - even though they sleep on the furniture and have proven themselves as escape artists. They've goofy. They make my dad's spirit happy because they protect the house and look intimidating; they make my mom happy because they're BEYOND affectionate and they keep her busy. I like them because they have two of the most absurd personalities I have ever known.

My ex-girlfriend's dog, my stepdog, the one who is asleep in my lap right now and has been for this entire post - he's the inspiration for this little ramble. He is, as I've said, a 60-pound Black Lab mix. You can't really pick out anything about him other than Lab, but when you put him next to a purebred you know that he is waaaaay off the kennel club list. So he's a little mutt, little especially compared to the behemoths that live with my mom. He was rescued from a shelter in the South two years ago, when he was six months old, and my ex has had him ever since. He barks whenever anyone comes home, sometimes he barks at nothing, he gets overly excited and tears around the house, once in a while he oversteps his boundaries and tries to play rough with the cats (they don't put up with that for very long, though). But he is mostly a good boy. He fetches, he swims, he goes for long walks through the woods, he behaves himself when we take him to campus. I'm the only one who will let him on my bed, so he jumps up every chance he gets and snuggles with me during the day. At night he sleeps on the futon in my room, or once in a while curled up next to my pillows.

As I type this, sitting on my bed, he is completely zonked out with his head and paws in my lap. He breathes warm doggy air against my leg, and his ears and muzzle are extra-soft in that sleepy-dog way. I know he's not mine, and I know there's non-animal-lovers out there who don't get it. But really, life is just better with dogs.

Tina Fey as Palin and Amy Poehler as Clinton

I know I'm probably the last person to see this, but oh my goodness I nearly died laughing a couple times.

We don't agree on - anything. Anything.

Notably "I can see Russia from my house." Oh sweet jebus.

When being easily distracted is nice

So, sometimes when you get depressed, if you are the sort that gets depressed, do you rant and vent and pour your inner pain out to one of your best friends, and then during a lull in the conversation suddenly think "Man. I would really like some potatoes." ?

Because that's definitely what happened to me tonight. One of my realities is that whatever is wrong with my brain never really goes away, but it can be overshadowed or pushed aside sometimes. I tried explaining this to a friend once, saying that on good days, I think I'm a good person for the most part, someone who just doesn't know how to deal with the things life throws at her, and who doesn't love herself enough, either. My friend frowned and said that on good days, she doesn't think about thinks like that at all. Huh.

So in general I've been having a good streak lately, all things considered. It makes me anxious, because I'm always worried about when it will end - but I'm trying not to worry so much. I'm trying to just go with it, and make the most of things so that I have something left to work with when I have a bad day. This has not been a bad day. This has been the sort of day when the idea of fried potatoes is enough to distract me momentarily from whatever angst I'm pontificating on. I like fried-potato days - they give me hope for a time when I don't have to categorize my days by my mood.

But seriously now, I need to go make some potatoes. Like right now.

And puppy dogs tails

I was going to blog tonight, but it's hard to type with a 61-pound Black Lab mix sitting in your lap because he needs his belly rubbed and his face and paws kissed RIGHT NOW so he knows you love him heaps and heaps.

Since I don't think I've mentioned it yet, I'll just say that I have the cutest stepdog in the whole wide world. And I love him. And I think he needs more snuggles now.

Gender fluidity & interpretation in WALL-E

Well, I was going to post something completely different, but how could I not link this: my hero Kate Bornstein writing about gender interpretation in Disney-Pixar's WALL-E.

http://katebornstein.typepad.com/kate_bornsteins_blog/2008/07/walle-a-butchfe.html

How fucking fantastic is that? Made my day, that's for sure. It still amazes me how ingrained gender binary is into our culture, where we assign gender to freaking ROBOTS and think nothing of it. Geez.

Yeah, Kate B. always makes me smile, no matter what ze's up to. :-D

Begin the begin.

Oh dear.
I've started a blog.
Now what?

Things you should know:
- I will most likely forget about this thing and stop using it in a month or so, if not sooner.
- I'm very, very odd about my privacy on the internet, so don't expect any full names or even real ones to be used.
- I haven't decided yet whether to let friends see this, so I'm not sure who this little spiel is directed towards.
- If you randomly stumbled across this, and think it is dumb/pointless/offensive/etc., skip along off somewhere else. It wasn't written for you, it was written because I had a sudden whim. I'm not trying to bother you, so please don't bother me.

Who am I?

I'm some girl.

Some descriptors and other things: 19, tall, worries too much, laughs a lot, lesbian, queer, Irish-American, feminist, wannabe activist, Democrat, liberal, rides horses but not as often as she used to or as often as she'd like, loves animals, lives in a nifty apartment with nifty people most of the time, spends the rest of her time at her mom's house 100 miles away, gets bored while driving between the two, can play some Rock Band songs on medium, bakes but can't cook, recently lost her dad, still has an awesome mom, had a crazy teenagehood, formerly homeschooled, goes to college but is taking a semester off, wants to work with teenagers, likes shooting her roommates with a Nerf gun, will probably never leave New England, needs to find a job, half-assed hippie, likes almost any kind of music unless it's about going to the slums where the killers get hung, probably has some some undiagnosed depression/PTSD/anxiety, writes when she can, reads more than that, has a Ban deodorant ad taped to her wall because she thought it looked cool, wishes her life was a musical, knows the significance of orange ribbons on March 1st, thinks Rosie O'Donnell is the shit, is good at faking smiles, wishes she never had to, and is paranoid that internet crazies are going to get her. Probably should not have a blog, for this last reason, if not all the others.

Ummmmmm.
Yeah that's good enough for a first post. Let's stick with that.


I hope the internet crazies don't get me....