Quote of the day - 11/26/08

"There isn't a train I wouldn't take, no matter where it's going."
- Edna St. Vincent Millay



I just happened upon this quote and liked it, so imagine my surprise when I wiki'd Edna St. Vincent Millay and found out she was a Maine-born, bisexual poet. So much awesomeness before the 1950s! I love random learning!

Would you...

Would you still love me if I shaved my head? If I pierced my lip? If I lost weight, or gained it? Would you be attracted to me if I didn't look like me? What if I told you what I look like now isn't me? Would you think I was cute if I wore boys' clothing? If I wore dresses and makeup and flirted and twirled? If I taped down my chest and tried to lower my voice? If I said "fuck it" and just wore what I wanted to?

Would you still want to be my friend if you knew what a geek I am? How about hippie? Wannabe-goth-punk-emo-whatever? Would you want to be around me at my most hyperactive? At my most depressed? Would you want to be with me if you knew that sometimes I really really really want to be boring? Would you be able to accept that sometimes I don't want what's best for me, or that sometimes I don't know what I want at all?

Would you respect me even after you realized I really do panic at the thought of doing simple math problems in front of people, or that I actually like the way my scars look? Would you be proud of me even if I didn't graduate on time, or even at all? If I didn't write my books? Would you help me when I'm too stubborn or scared to ask? Would you hold me if I were scared, and would you know that's all I really want? Could you make the world stop spinning, even for a few minutes? If I wanted to run away and be somebody else, would you go with me? If I never wanted to leave here, would you stay with me? If I tried something and didn't succeed right away, would you know I was trying? Would it matter? Would it matter enough? Would you see through my cynicism, that no one deserves anything and I don't make wishes anymore? Would you understand that love doesn't solve everything, no matter how much you want it to? Would you want to try anyway?

Is there anyone out there with whom love wouldn't feel like a compromise?

8 Things I Have Noticed Lately

1. Blogging is hard to do when you don't have access to a functioning computer.

2. Spending hours drooling over the NaNoWriMo website will not actually get a book written.

3. I have the communication skills of something that doesn't communicate.

4. Plans only matter if you actually go through with them.

5. Just because you used to be something doesn't mean you still are. This can be a positive, negative, or neutral occurence.

6. My mom somehow never gets less awesome. I'm not really sure how she does it. Magic may be involved.

7. Change can be terrifying, necessary, and good all at the same time. Example A: Barack Obama is aparently terrifying to some people, but his election is necessary and a good thing. Example B is more personal and will be commented upon once it has actually taken place. I'm terrified. But in a good, necessary sort of way!

8. Following up #3 and #4... it really only just occurred to me that my vision of the future might not actually be what someone else's vision of the future is. In the sense of futures being intertwined. Which is weird and scary because I always sort of assumed that things would fall into place and work out. But what if they don't unless you make them? How am I supposed to know when the right time is? What if I never feel "ready"? What if I get shot down even if I am ready? What if it just doesn't matter, and nothing goes the way I hope it will? Ugh. Point being, I overthink everything and don't communicate well or even at all sometimes and I need to freaking stop it because I'm screwing everything up. And it scares me.



"As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart. You don't know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." - The Wizard, The Wizard of Oz